gw3ndO0t

In Love with Terri Chung

2012-01-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

I came across this wonderful illustrator Teri Chung the other day and thought I'd share her beautiful beautiful work.

I love her use of watercolors and how she accentuates the images with a childlike charm! See if you can recognize some of these designs.

I'd better start sharing as many things as I can before SOPA and PIPA bills akin to it come underway. ;)

The Importance of Being a Big Rock

2012-01-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

Not to squander Oscar Wilde. But it just occurred to me that most decisions comes down to priorities. (A little late, but better than never)

When I was younger, I knew that it was important to prioritize, (after being yelled at to do so repeatedly) but never knew what it actually meant or why it was so important.

To put 'first things first' or, to 'place the big rocks, and let unimportant stuff be pebbles' or something or other. Oh, oh and to make sure that the big rocks get prime attention.

Okay.

But as you get older, I guess you find that alot of the nuances of how people behave and react to situations come right down to priorities. What gets put first, second and last. Who deserves attention in the explicit order of first, second, and last. What one DEFINES as a big rock, maybe different to what another person defines as being important, but that just comes down to semantics.

I want to rearrange my rocks, and make sure that the right things become the big rocks, as I think I may have mistaken my big rocks for pebbles.

Some may say it's getting my priorities straight, but hey, who am I to tell you what your priorities are? I just want to make sure that I give the same attention to the ones who put me first.

You're my big rock if I'm yours, so let's make sparks fly.

The Year That Was

2012-01-11T05:25:00.001-08:00

With much reluctance, I have decided to gingerly climb onto the bandwagon to write my thoughts on 2011.

For me it was a year riddled with triumphs and being trumped on a daily basis, distractions and crazy dalliances, revelations and regrets. It was a year filled with looking backwards, and dreading the forward march alone. A 'crossroads' year, where my decisions and everything surrounding them kind of propelled the direction of my young life.

Most, or should I say, least importantly, it revolved around caring too much about what people said, what people thought, what people were doing and what people thought I should do.

As much as I value objective and constructive external views, I think it's about time I valued my own just as much, if not more.

Unapologetically, 2012 is for the taking, and I hope to call it mine.

"Well, you're the trouble I was looking for"

2011-12-06T04:55:00.000-08:00

Quite nonchalantly, I find myself blogging twice in a day! Giving you a slight indication of what I do with my time at the moment. But I can't help but share this video of probably one of my favourite musicians of all time (most of the rest are unfortunately dead).

I love how he earnestly reminisces and describes how the music industry was like, before the Internet and dotcoms and tweets, how it was like being a musician back then. Especially when he talks about just having a voice through the Internet, no matter the reach.

I never thought I would actually be able to relate or identify with some of the things they say (no I'm no big muso but you're welcome to mistake me for one lol) in these interviews, but just having the amazing pleasure of playing in a band and being invited to play at cool, paid, acoustic gigs is a sufficient taste (albeit at the lowest fraction) of what musicians go through for huggee performances, and arena venues.

Being the worrier that I am, I constantly worry about being good enough, warranting that kind of attention, and being frankly, quite embarrassed of just saying, 'come watch me play!' just in case everything didn't turn out just as well.

We'd practice and I'd make sure to practice (while freaking out) till I could drown out the pressure of just merely performing, and sometimes I would forget all the fun and my genuine love for singing because now there was an audience and an expectation (not just my shower head and bathroom tiles), despite the fact that most of the audience were made up of friends who would love and support us and come to watch us again and again unconditionally.

At the end of the day, I think we all wish we could fall into things that we love to do for a living just by doing them and not worrying about impacts, the future or where our next meal is coming from.

It's a great big world out there, with a whole lot of noise, and I think it's having to rely on recognition and the volume of your 'voice' to get to where you want that gets to me sometimes.

My motivation is to discard of goals, aspirations and concerns about where I would like to be, and just focus on where I am, and what I would like to do now, and to make sure that today doesn't go to waste.

Inspired Everyday!

2011-12-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

I dedicate 30 minutes everyday to inspiration.

This is today's.

I love kikki.k! They do for your desk what IKEA does for your home.

Though, I do look forward to being able to afford more of their products one day. heh.

I was a never a stationery freak but after stepping into one of their stores for the first time, new notebooks make me smile.

Since then, I have always wondered how life would be like if my room was as pretty as a kikki.k store.

My friends would probably think they had wandered into the wrong house.

Founder Kristina Karlsson is too adorable.

Kikki.K

Devouring : A Point to Ponder

2011-11-30T22:10:00.000-08:00

I am first and foremost, a consumer. Like most of us are. Especially now, since I have enough spare time on my hands, I notice how much I consume, how much I love consuming and how much time is consumed.

I'm talking about consuming information. Mainly form my laptop. Which is no cause to complain, because I really enjoy spending time on the Internet. A little bit too much.

I spend so much time online. I go through what seems like hundreds and hundreds of articles a day, blogs, news, style, politics, business, videos, vlogs, music. Just hour after hour, I face piles of information and find myself attempting to hoard the most relevant ones lest they come up in a dinner party conversation, be useful as a 'fun fact' or as a good start to an awkwardly hanging conversation. And of course, the things that are important to me personally require no effort to be committed to memory.

Again, my mind's eye is set against a dinner party backdrop, it is the silly season after all.

It is so fascinating how everyone is just out there, within reach, trying to reach - and in the case of marketing - outstretching.

It feels like there are so many arms stretched out but all touching each other by mere fingertips with no real attempt to grab hold.

What does it take to stand out in an overcrowded, noisy world, where people shout over each other with their fingertips as they tap away on their keyboards.

How do you foster real, genuine relationships in this exceedingly, congested world where it seems as though everyone can be easily objectified as a means to an end? A name on a website?

An item that comes after a @ and before a #.

Muse, bemuse, amuse

2011-11-30T20:26:00.002-08:00

I forgot to mention that http://www.forbes.com is also on my bookmarks list.

After looking listlessly through lists (heh) of the rich and famous, it brings me back to thinking about inspirational people.

In particular, those with sense of style that have held the longest sustaining effect on my choice of dress everyday.

Aside from Daisy Lowe, Lou Doillon, Briggitte Bardot, female fashion bloggers in every shape size and color depending on my mood, my mind always drifts back to...

Steven Tyler.

People may be surprised to know that I am heavily inspired by male icons, especially rock stars, when it comes to fashion. I love the sight of them, how they make the most mismatched things go unbelievably well together, how time and time again they embody the welcome fact that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to style.

Most importantly, they exude a sense of wild freedom and fun.

I have seen pretty much every item in the picture above hanging on the racks of Australian chain store, Sportsgirl. Talk about fashion inspiration!

A long nurtured love affair with rock and grunge music heavily influenced by my big brother (it was the 90s, he had long hair, was older, was within radius of my pastel-colored, my little pony infested room, and played the guitar - introducing a firsthand education of what was cool at that point in time) definitely provided a solid introduction to Steve.

His wackiness, no-holds-barred music and attitude stamped a permanent mark across my wardrobe, my playlist and love towards all things rock star. I kid you not, when those I have absolutely nothing to wear moments arise, the words 'What would Steve wear?' will cross my mind.

Seriously. Look at him rock those snake-print pants.

Never mind that his style has been compared to that of a forty-year-old woman's. I once tied a scarf around myself and called it a day. No wonder those fashionistas never leave me alone.

Yes? No? Never mind.

We interrupt this programme on a whim

2011-11-25T00:43:00.000-08:00

No I haven't decided to forego my list of favourite browses on the web, but I am definitely not one for making conventional to-do lists.

My kind of to-do list grows with tasks being added on and ticked-off after completion.

In this fashion, I have come across a website today that just has me hooked. I am fully inspired by its simple messages, straightforward writing and personable content.

More often, it is DIY websites, baking websites and step-by-step imagery of food that gets me revved, going, 'Right, today I'll be doing/making THIS!'

But coming across Jeff Goins' website just has me absolutely transfixed, and motivated on a level that draws me towards the present, highlighting inspirational over aspirational productivity.

He writes simply and effectively, covering topics that range from travel to marketing, to gratitude . His words are engaging and relatable, and through his posts, I found a soothing voice that astutely placates and places my most current concerns and interests.

Despite the availability of overabundant information and excessive imagery, I love that he stands out in sharply bringing his point across, expressing his stories with well chosen words that truly resonate.

Goins has quickly become one of the toppers in my Internet trawling list for sure!

Elements of Interest

2011-11-16T00:18:00.000-08:00

In life, we learn to celebrate small victories, and to celebrate my achievement of uploading a gif (I know I'm inching towards the ice age as each new day breaks), I have decided to disclose some of the things that I find cool on a daily basis.

Hence a lighthearted post!

They're broken down into several categories, though not arranged in any particular order. Will probably be broken down into several posts according to my mood. heh.

The first is a section that I turn to on auto-pilot, whenever I feel like a leisurely browse through the Internet.

But 15 minutes in and I'm sinking into a deceptively dangerous spiral towards self-loathing, envy, greed and poverty.

I may have also failed to mention my penchant for drama.

1. The Rumi Neely

I think FashionToast is cool. From 2007 onwards, a plethora of fashion blogs has slowly filled up my bookmark list (and rearranged my wardrobe), and I pored over them more gleefully so when I had to do research on fashion blogs as a trending marketing tool in postgrad. But it always comes back to Rumi.

2. Olly Lo

What truly convinced me to throw out most of my clothes was probably Olivia Lopez. Not insinuating that she doesn't wear very much, (though she doesn't but gets away with it like only she can), but that everything I own looks like crap next to the daily getups that she very annoyingly lounges into an "oh-this-old-thing?" manner.

She's a walking, pint-sized wonder, inspired by everything I, too, deem a favourite (vintage, the 60s, black-and-white movies, bold lips, Lolita-esque rock and roll groupies, short shorts, white-on-white, hippie leather and lace, Navajo feathers, Eng lit...underage drinking? I kid.)

3. Le Arissa

I don't know how I somehow stumbled across Arissa, but this was way back when she was on Moonfruit, before she was caught in the middle of a spat between two prominent Singaporean bloggers.

Then she got savvy and used her even wider spread recognition to her businessy advantage.

Either ways, I love her edgy luxe glamour puss demeanour.

4. Tammy So Fickle

Tammy's an amazing young thing who left high school to start her own flourishing business. Which suits me just fine, 'cuz this girl's digs are AMAHZING. I'd be saving up and staying off ASOS just so I can afford the shipping costs on her very reasonably priced wares. I never fail to get a reaction whenever I wear any purchase off this site.

Though, one may expect certain reactions when one orders oxford shoes with spikes sticking out all over.

5. Le love de Betty

Bonjour, lebettydebeaute! I stand amazed at people who are able to make a simple t-shirt look good. I think the world is split into two major parts (forget Descartes for a minute and pretend that I'm a worldly fashion person): people who look good in t-shirts, and people who don't. This girl definitely falls into that of the former, and then some (neon??! Really??! Why do I even bother).

6. StyleSofia

Another blogshop that I frequently haunt ~~terrorize~~. I think their stuff's cool and pretty.

I'm being serious, those words genuinely sum up what stylesofia embodies - being cool and pretty.

Not awesome babysitter cool and pretty, but in an 'I'm-very-fehshun-forward-and-worldly-and-will-always-surprise-you. And-I-happen-to look-good-even-when-I'm-off-duty-and-no-where-near-a-party' kind of way.

Said casually, of course.

7. Honestly...WTF

I love getting my hands dirty.

Especially with a good, wearable DIY that resembles that something that you've always wanted, but costs the price of your kidney (let's just say for a moment that you have an extremely valuable kidney). Suddenly it's yours with the power of a glue gun!! *wields glue gun around like She-Ra*

I better not be the only one around here that remembers She-Ra.

8. OutsaPop

Another fabulous DIY site that has inspired many an awry skirt of mine to go even awrier. Not that the instructions are bad, just my craftsmanship. The awrier it gets, the fiercer it is, I say!

Okay they may not be fierce, RIGHT NOW, but they will be. *swishes skirt in desperation*

9. P.S. I Made This

Many a day has been spent trawling through this site. I yearn for the day when products of my DIY attempts are justified with my response of 'PS I made this!!', with a cute flick of the hair over a shoulder.

No, that hasn't happened yet. *wields glue gun rather less enthusiastically*

10. Chiarraaaa

There must be something in Milanese air that makes their women look so good. Chiara looks like Sophisticated Italian Barbie with legs that go for miles and an eye for simple, sharp tailoring to match.

Maybe it's biology...ecology....geography....I suppose an overabundant exposure to pasta and olive oil does something to the system, causing an epidemic of perfectly tanned arms sprouting the likes of Balenciaga, Chanel and Hermes.

heh.

*Refer to my mention of envy and greed.

I'm going to continue this in another post for another day! To reveal just HOW much time I spend on the Internet! No shame in my game! And no my trawls don't just include fashion, though I'm not done here yet!

Remind Me How We Got This Far

2011-10-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

I sure don't mind/ having you/ this time

I'm the one who's always in the way

I sure don't mind

getting hurt again

modus operandi

2011-10-05T03:59:00.000-07:00

I don't have to constantly explain myself.

All I need is trust, and the assurance that I have gone beyond my means and am trying my best, at my best and living life at its best.

If I have to further justify my modus operandi, then that goes to show how much, or, how little faith you have in me.

Don't Patronize

2011-10-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

I feel the power

Jaded

2011-08-15T23:46:00.001-07:00

Jaded by gw3nda featuring silk shirts

See by Chloe silk shirt
$350 - net-a-porter.com

Kelly Bergin leather shorts
$430 - net-a-porter.com

Alexander Wang platform shoes
$480 - openingceremony.us

Clutch bag
€54 - modekungen.se

Giuseppe Zanotti metal cuff bracelet
$595 - giuseppezanottidesign.com

Yves Saint Laurent 'Rouge Volupte' Lipstick 027 Rose Paris One Size
$34 - nordstrom.com

Chiffon and Spikes

2011-08-15T22:49:00.001-07:00

Don't Die a Copy

2011-08-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

Don't Die a Copy by gw3nda featuring antique jewelry

TopShop polyester shirt
$65 - topshop.com

Harem pants
£15 - missguided.co.uk

Chinese Laundry flat sandals
$70 - endless.com

Antique jewelry
$19 - fantasyjewelrybox.com

Oasis bangle bracelet
£14 - oasis-stores.com

Forever21 peacock necklace
$8.80 - forever21.com

Illesteva clear sunglasses
$160 - lagarconne.com

The North Circular knit scarve
€198 - colette.fr

Birds On Wire, Wall Words and Decals by Trading Phrases
$30 - tradingphrases.com

Trading Phrases | Wall Decals | Simply Words
$31 - tradingphrases.com

Take Me Out

2011-08-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

fearless

2011-07-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

I refuse to look at you for fear I might cry.

We take for granted the moments and the people that pass us by in the dark; that come across our paths unassumingly, but once gone, their presence lingers, along with all the jumbled up emotions and feelings we have entangled, as we are left in the remnants of blood, sweat, tears and footprints.

in case you show up

2011-07-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

I like the fact that Tumblr lets images speak so much more than my words can. ;)

who knows maybe one day I will indulge in divulging again.

to taste is not enough

2011-07-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

People often ask me, 'What do you want to do?'

I say 'words fail me because there is too much'

Today in class there was topic brought up about, how society enables bad behaviour, how we give into and reward less than desirable behaviour, how the perception of power has been skewed by the greedy, how we let our material things and how much we own define us, how ethics classes are needed because we have forgotten the very values ancient people fought and died for.

It is not so much what I want to do, but what is my purpose? What is my function?

I don't know yet.

2011-07-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

2011-07-04T19:32:00.001-07:00

I Will Love You Better, I will love you better, I will love you better

2011-06-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

And the thought and the thought and the thought of you

I thought we'd be doing the fateful few together, together
And I'd thought that you might feel the same
With your insect skin and my lions mane
And be you
To be you

And the thought of you was crystal clear,
I could warn myself or bin you dear
It could of been you, could of been you

To be you

when in doubt

2011-04-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

just remind yourself, that all we know and cherish, is sitting in a blue dot, in a vast cosmic dark.

walking on sunshine

2011-04-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

or platforms, mediums, trajectories, filters

whatever you want to call it, the things that we get through to communicate aptness. these in-between smoke screens that interfere with a lost tense of tangibility. Speaking of, here I go on one my left-field tangents again, not being able to express in simple words what it is that I really want to say due to concerns, worries, perceptions I see filling up my head. Right now the heater is off, my feet are cold and the room looks grey, but there are so many things to be done! so many things to plan! and it's already 4.30 pm. How am I able to live moment to moment when most moments are being suspended in concentration towards something that is a slight resemblance of productivity? I feel like my brain has been on lockdown for so long in escapism and my unwillingness to face reality that it has forgotten how to think or function normally, for all its fundamental uses as per the status of a postgrad student.

I find myself typing in sentences that look like they have been strung together by my fifteen year old self, all prettily across a paper that is DUE TOMORROW.

By the way, to anyone in general and in particular, don't tell me to be honest when I KNOW you cannot handle the truth. Instead of defence, I wish that for once, that your defences rested, and I actually know my little words, whatever little words have sunk in so that history does not repeat itself. Again. I have had to learn the hard way that those little words "I understand, I hear you, I'm sorry" or even a contemplative pause and nod, go a long way, so why shouldn't you?

Maybe I am getting old and the grumpy old granny has been unleashed.

Amnesia

2011-03-02T04:49:00.000-08:00

Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me

Wandering objectifications

2011-02-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

My only wish this Lunar New Year is that everybody will find what they're looking for. Be it a healer or a heart, a purpose or a person, a dream or a destination, an item or an ideal. May the lost be found this year, in any shape or form, should your heart be cozily calmed with substitution it doesn't matter, so long as satisfaction is present.

And you, especially you, I really hope you find what you have been searching for, and may it be all you have ever dreamt of and more.

On living

2011-01-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

At the end of the day, we may fall, but as long as we don't break into a million pieces, we can keep calm and carry on.
At the end of the day, you may wish ill upon others whohave done you wrong but there is only so many times an apology can ease a hollow mind.

I want to stop hurting the ones I love.

we

2011-01-14T01:46:00.000-08:00

we must not get upset about things beyond our control.
There is no point in getting upset.
Even when we feel fear, or sadness, or foreboding, that day or situation will still arise.

Therefore we must stifle whatever feelings we have about uncontrollable situations, reason with oneself, keep calm and carry on.

take over control

2011-01-08T23:10:00.000-08:00

Dear G,

Please get your groove back. It has been lost for a while and maybe it does have something to do with having one too many chocolate bars. But we have had enough of the melancholic melodramatic tendencies, the internal conflicts and dilemmas, as well as your well-timed compulsion to go off the deep end. Although these emotional tangents stem from an interest in the lesser explored, be it melancholy, sadness and the darker side of life, we find that these tangents have seeped into the cracks of your outer layer. The social one that talks and faces people and necessitates daily functions - an area in which you have always managed to handle well till late.

So I repeat, please get your groove back. The year of self-management has yet to run its course. And would 'Parlez Vous Francais' stop popping into your head at random moments when people are trying to hold proper conversations with you? Oh and one more thing, we highly anticipate the return of your 'devil-may-care' attitude about other people's opinions, which have held no stature whatsoever in your previous thought process, daily activities and usual expressed idiosyncrasies. We do realize that you are getting older, but with your desperate attempt at trying to fit into this age-attached role, it is quite frankly, turning out to be quite ridiculous though no less entertaining.

Kindly,

The Better Version of the Social Layer

lost

2011-01-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

心疼的玫瑰　半夜還開著　找不到匆匆掉落的花蕊
回到現場卻已來不及　等待任何回音都不可得
微弱的風箏　冬天裡飄著　回不去手中纏線的那個
沒有藍天　又何必去飛　怎麼適合

黑色笑靨掉了　雪白眼淚掉了　該出現的所有表情瞬間掉了
瞳孔沒有顏色　結了冰的長河　回憶是最可怕的敵人

故事情節掉了　主角對白掉了　該屬於劇中的對角戲也掉了
胸口沒有快樂　斷了翅的白鴿　不枯萎的藉口全掉了

曾經唱過的歌　分享過的笑聲　在心中不斷拉扯
想念不能承認　偷偷擦去淚痕　冬天過了還是會很冷

the 2 a.m. 2 cents

2011-01-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

For what it's worth...

I told you once, now I told you twice, We gon' light it up, like it's dynamite.

I did tell you once before, you just chose to not believe me.

Don't fret over a missed train, if you never made the effort to catch it in the first place. Things of value don't come to those who wait, but to those who know that you have to fight for their worth.

Your time has come and gone, so please don't blame me, and for what it is worth, I did warn you.

"Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol."

of floating consequences and spiderman helium balloons

2011-01-06T16:09:00.000-08:00

I think I am a person of my word, regardless the consequences. I just have to be prepared for the backlash.

Being a big believer of the 'you only live once' stance will cost you. And I am just getting tired of people getting hurt along the way. Sometimes we can never be sure of the the extent of an injury, emotional and physical, of the long-term and short-term impacts and the internal hemorrhage that builds up. But, in reference to management, some tumours just have to be severed.

I just wish that some of it would grow back to be....hair? so amends can be made and everything just blends into everything, and fits into place, from burden into a repairing substitute that asks for no credit, makes no noise.

when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

2011-01-06T10:25:00.001-08:00

things get dangerous when I get bored.

sigh.

Suddenly shiny sharp things look so attractive, and we all know they are never the right things.

time is a concept and age is just a number

2011-01-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

Waking up on the first of January 2011 for me is equivalent to waking up on say, the 13th of June 2010. Point summarised - any given day unless significance is bestowed.

I find that 2011 is another year of the unexpected, but hopefully the good. One can only expect and accept the worse and be happily surprised at the good that comes along.

I don't think I'm being pessimistic, just realistic. After all, I am a 24 year old (soon to be 25 year old) girl (?) living in the tropics, resting on the academically garnered habits of an overseas education, chafing down the principles of an attitude overtly exposed to the white-man culture, jobless yet trying to reconcile philosophies of meatballs and tang yuans.

Happy NEW Year indeed.

Same shite different concept - a short but urgent reminder that life comes with no dress rehearsals and sound checks, and that you only get one shot.

suspicious protestant

2010-12-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

so every other day, in the midst of running errands and the vacuum machine, I think about burdens and guilts looming over my head. Not that I don't have much to be thankful for, I do, but for some reason, guilt takes precedence over a fleeting moment of happiness.

Have I earned this? What did I do to deserve this? Have I sacrificed enough? Have I really put aside my own needs over the needs of others? Hmmm...Maybe I should really evaluate my character and make like a deer - cautious at all times - of what I have in my hand, what I put in my mouth, what comes out of it, how much money I have spent, the last place I put my keys, how to keep and project a composed self-image, the essence of my actions.

Self-management is a paid job in itself. Overthinking is the price you pay, and having a breezier life is certainly not one of the rewards, but having a more....manageable one is a greater reward in itself?

Maybe I need religion rather than contemplate about spirituality. Might I add, those are two different things.

Good riddance 2010! In introspect, a year of self-doubt, bad luck, second guesses and plummeting self-esteem, your ups reached an Empire State high and your lows went underground. Hello 2011, the year of management!

Paintings for the Blind

2010-11-28T15:02:00.001-08:00

This article pretty much sums up everything I have always wanted to say when I strain to conceive the definition of "working in fashion"

http://notsoswedish.blogspot.com/2010/10/on-19-year-old-fashion-wannabe-dimwits.html

Just last week, I came across a fashion magazine called Dansk, by some chirpy coincidence, handed to me by a friend in Fashion Illustration class, who didn't want to lug it around. I was really surprised and happy that it was not an endless stream of editorial shoots, advert after advert and weight loss advice after weight loss advice, but filled with insightful articles that reinforces the acknowledgment of fashion within culture and timely perspectives. I had long struggled with the fact that fashion was something I loved, but placing too much emphasis on it made me feel shallow and superficial, and I hate having to explain how much more it actually means, because the more I explain things, the more disturbing the sound of my own voice is. I know. I have issues. Bottom-line is, I love this magazine, its satirical articles, and how effortless the layout is. I'm a fan.

the way we were

2010-11-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

remember when we used to have those long walks across the park? When the smell of the grass filled the air and the future seemed so far away? I remember those scenes in sparkly blues and vivid hues of purple, against the backdrop of that fountain and that royal building. How we would talk and talk and you had to catch a taxi home in the dead of the night, and then we'd continue our lingering conversations on the phone. Now our talks are peppered with up in the air and plans and I'm remembering everything in grey, smouldering lights. Now I look at you and wonder if I would be remembered in the morning, when we wake up and begin all over again. There is no taxi for me to catch, but then again, I am an ocean away.

the constant diarrhoea

2010-11-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

I know the title of this post is awfully disgusting but up till the night someone told me that I could block my Facebook feed, I have just had it up to my neck. Yes this is a mini rant, but really, why overshare? why overshare and complain about the consequences? Ultimately, we do have at least some form of control over the things we disclose publicly. Don't rate your own public demise over the amount of information that you choose to expose in the first place.

It is intriguing at times, and I can be quite a nosy person, but hey it's called a wall for a reason, not a closet. I have been guilty of succumbing to mass advertising my whereabouts and my goings ons too. But like the long lost beauty and unpredictability of the analog that I have been recently reminded of, sometimes, I don't WANT to know where you have checked into, where you are now, if you have been shopping again, if you're feeling depressed AGAIN (this is where private messages come in handy) or if you just took a crap.

Just let me peacefully wonder.

what happens at home

2010-10-17T06:38:00.000-07:00

i am very uncool. I know.

2010-10-15T03:49:00.000-07:00

I miss those nights. Looking down at the yellow school bus and the Boston Skyline.

So What Do You Have to Say For Yourself?

2010-09-30T16:55:00.001-07:00

My role as an international student in Melbourne has always meant that I am caught up in the Twilight Zone. By Twilight Zone, I am referring to reconciling my obligations and wants while being displaced, being tied to the ground while being taught to grapple at shiny red balloons miles away.

Like many other things in life, good intentions are often swayed by the day-to-day, and the results often oppose the intended purpose. We kind of HAVE to be here, but we want to, but sometimes we really don't and why are we here? Oh yeah, to leech off our parents and masquerade as students while we prance and party our perpetual youth away. Or at least, that is the impression I get from many.

Soon, we forget the core reasons and intentions and crap about expanding horizons aligned with the purpose of being an international student, and stick with our guns instead. Because, really, when there is an easier, more comfortable way of going about our day, why would anyone opt for the hard way at the get-go? We are programmed to find the easiest, most effective means to a solution, isn't this a component of the education we have all been exposed to as well?

I kind of forgotten the whole point of my writing this post. But basically, I am getting tired of being stuck in limbo. Please teach me how to reconcile my cultural roots and the nature of careers in my home country with the education and opportunities that I have been exposed to, that are only available in this short-term, displacement-filled avenue. Why are the options for certain industries so narrow, and the perceptions of them so belittled, that it just "realistically" cannot be explored if you are in search of a steady income? At the end of the day, profit will come through at the exploitation of any product, no matter the field. In my opinion anyway.

I guess we really cannot have our cake and eat it at the same time.

micromanage

2010-09-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm no Kate Moss but I do love clothes. and my apartment.

back online

2010-08-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

on a day like today

2010-06-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

I love the weather today. When the sun just melts into the fog and it looks like morning melts into the evening. Where the day just meshes into a glow and you can't tell whether it's 8 am or 3 pm outside. There is a smattering of panama hats, black on black, bowler bowler hats, grey scarves and high waisted denim over knitted tights. It's too chilly for skanky clothes and there are no excuses to slap on havaianas and everybody just looks dressed up. It's just nice...and....I have exams. Sadly.

colors seem to fade

2010-06-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

If I feel this way, it means that I'm taking it the wrong way.
I cannot help the way I feel especially when it comes to anger. Love or lust, I can suppress, but anger is an entirely different picture altogether. Is that a bad thing?

I cannot wait to get out of here to retrieve that little bit of competence that I have left. I don't need anyone asking me what I want over and over and I don't want to have to repeat myself, stating again and again that I don't know what I want. It becomes a chicken-and-egg cycle where I understand that I have to find out what I want, but I do not know what I want. I know everyone cares about me and wants what's best for me but I am not a child. Don't speak to me like I am one and it's not fair to say that I have not gone out of my way or gone beyond my comfort zone just because I am falling apart now. I don't need your advice I just need you to listen.

Will I ever find that one person who gives me the responses that I anticipate, who says the right things, at the right time and makes me feel like everything is alright rather than make me feel perturbed?

I cannot wait to get out of here. So gather whatever pieces left of myself and just carry on.

Just because I choose collectivism over individualism does not mean that I will regret giving assistance rather than swallowing it whole alone.

I wish you'd make up my bed, so I can make up my mind

2010-05-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

every so often, we are reminded of the things that we cannot have. They are blatantly placed in front of our eyes, be it an item, a heart or a skill, in all enticing glory, but we are reminded that with every appealing glace, they have to remain unclaimed. So we force ourselves to move forward, remind ourselves of the vastness and the span of other options that lie ahead. But deep down, we know that in all vastness and in all options, at this very moment however, nothing else matters more than the appeal that one thing carries.

stop this train

2010-05-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

i don't know how to say this
but i dont think that this train is going to stop for me any time soon.

Is it because life just passes us by, we are expected to lose the feeling of being lost, instantaneously, and move on to the next obstacle?

Oh, let me be lost for a while and wallow. It's eerily funny how John Mayer songs can pinpoint my current feelings to a T. maybe it's just osmosis through procrastination. whatever the case is, tomorrow is another day.

don't for a minute change the place you're in.
honestly, we'll never stop this train.

pain throws your heart to the ground

2010-05-17T07:44:00.001-07:00

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

When in doubt or in trouble, I should shuffle through the playlist in that red jukebox inside my head and hit play on this song.

I have a feeling that this will be an overplayed tune for a while. On a lighter note, I have found that

a) I note the rate of being grown up by the diminishing number of 'umms' said during a conversation

b) You also seem more grown up when things are stated on 'Yes/No' terms. Not 'Iono'.

c) Apparently, 'Bad decisions make good stories'. Classic.

d) I don't want to grow up.

come daylight

2010-03-30T06:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so afraid to fall asleep lest time goes by.

And then it's tomorrow again.

a bit too soon.

social casualty

2010-03-04T09:36:00.001-08:00

if only personal relationships could be redefined

if only we weren't so confined to a concept of the lover, motivated by procreating,

the family unit.

if only people, just people, tied to each other based on the fair fact of friendship, were sufficient enough to fulfill needs

not sexual

just personal

who ever said that we needed the existence of a significant other to make ourselves feel more fulfulled?

What if one day the concept was obliterated and all we had was each other?

Why do we need the comfort of a sole, significant other, namely a lover, to ensure that we have made a mark, or to feel that we have a place in the world?

A solitary handhold, a 4 am call.

I can be that.

All we really need is each other.

if you want more love, why don't you say so?

2010-02-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

In the most obvious industries, gravity is the enemy.

At the moment, time is mine.

"How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all."

John Mayer, Heartbreak Warfare

the lonely yee sang dish

2010-02-24T05:01:00.001-08:00

there is no joy in fashion, unless there are people to parade your good taste to.

there is no joy in food, without people sharing it.

there is no joy in laughter, when no one is there to hear it.

there is no joy in the awkward silence, when there is no one else to bear it with.

all the luxury in the world cannot be enjoyed without people there to enjoy them with you, without happiness shining in mirrored faces.

people, people, people.

people you love, you hate, the ones you love to hate, the people you hate to love, the ones who exasperate you and make you love them all the same.

I am quite, quite homesick.

and the image of my heavy heart is transposed onto the colorful yee sang dish served as an appetiser on the plane, a pair of lonely chopsticks hesitantly milled around it. Not tossing, not stirring. A dish meant to be shared by many, in individual plates, for individual consumption.

it was a lonely lonely flight.

the mundane side of drama

2010-01-29T03:52:00.001-08:00

Nothing pleases me more than listening to Norwegian Wood while reading Murakami's Norwegian Wood.

Been reading way too much Murakami this holiday, and in the midst of the towers of beer, the white rooms gleaming against colored lights, the smell of cigarette smoke mixed with the aroma of fried dumplings, caution was thrown into the wind.

With the 'we only live once' phrase echoing in my head and egging me on, it never really occurred to me that whoever said it must not have experienced consequences that haunt the life following rash and caught in the moment decisions.

huh.

2009 the moonlight year

2010-01-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

I refer to it as the moonlight year because of how I spent it in shadows and twilight. From snuggly comfort zones to being completely awestruck, 2009 and has passed in a flash and shwon how much I can be externally affected by change. Some people call it separation anxiety, but I think it's just me trying to grasp whatever I can while I still can, but failing. The words 'everything is temporary' are still not fully acceptable to me. I feel it sink to the pit of my stomach like a brick, abusing it's power at the most unlikely moments.

The thumping bass of the clubs, the dancing crowd pulsing in unison to the rhythm, the taxi hollers, the desert scenes, the whirling color and perfume that lingered in my hair, the end of the trail and the misty tug at my heart makes me feel so displaced even when I'm standing still.

Toddlers squealing, the gentle hand ruffling my hair, the stifled laughter between old friends and old jokes, the heat, the confusion and the deep fried dumplings. I cannot live without you either.

In short, 2009 has revealed a very lost, confused and scared Gwenda, who has come face-to-face with the justifications that she was afraid to tempt and have been forced to come to terms with. Let's hope that 2010 will be a more enlightening year, with more answers and fewer questions.

My Little Awesomeness

2009-09-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

I've always loved My Little Ponies but these modified ones are insane. Below are just a few of my favourites. I love how the characters are drawn from random aspects of pop culture. go to www.marikasuriken.com to check out more!

My Little Lady Gaga

My Little Edward Scissorhands

My Little Joker

My Little Crybaby (I LOVE this movie!)

My Little Princess Leia

My Little Gene Simmons! LOL

My Little He-man

My Little Storm Trooper

My Little Jack Sparrow

I just love Johnny Depp. heh.

Never say never...

2009-09-21T08:18:00.001-07:00

Never thought I'd see the day where I'd be linking a video of myself here. A Youtube video nonetheless. yikes. But we had a lot of fun doing this. ;)

true

2009-08-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

I often question the level of my own sincerity. I question my intentions, my judgments and the choices I make on the basis of those judgments.
I truly admire those with no depth beyond their pure concern for others. In fleeting moemnts that require nothing more than instinctive action, they do not stop in hesitation. Those who perform kind deeds because of their consideration for others and not because it's merely something that should be done. I hate to admit this, but I do "kind" deeds because I know it's the "right" thing that "should" be done at that moment and not because I am necessarily, genuinely concerned about the well-being of that stranger I helped. And even worse, sometimes I do nice things because I want to appear nice, just to inflate and validate my own sense of a positive self-image in my head.

It's these times when I wonder if I am truly a good person at all.
That maybe the person I aspired to be started out with good intentions and escalated ambitions; but eventually got left behind, bent and broken, somewhere back there.

Tentang Seseorang

2009-07-17T08:28:00.001-07:00

'Ada Apa Dengan Cinta' has always been one of my favourite movies. I assumed that it was the drumming pace of teenage high-schoo hormones that drew me towards the romantic aspect of this film (combined with an amazing soundtrack and the topic of poetry) but watching this video now just brings back a stirring sense of nostalgia, drawing me back into the exact time and space and moment that giddily fill my head with memories of why I loved this film so much. And in my books, only a really really good film can do that.

Speechless

2009-06-28T01:27:00.001-07:00

please don't stop the music

2009-06-27T01:04:00.000-07:00

RIP MJ

I know I'm a day late but it's still quite surreal and sad.
I remember attending his concert in Melbourne way back when I was 10, whispering and waiting with bated breath, my head filled with phrases like "I will remember this day forever".

It was weird how a few weeks ago a couple of my friends and I were just talking about how a great performer MJ was, and how awesome it would be to one day point out to our kids that, 'that old guy there has been the King of Pop since I was your age'.

One thing's for sure, Michael Jackson's music, charisma, talent and skilful innovation in dance will be immortalized.

oh ma, the money did it

2009-06-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

Being too free is not a good thing.

I know that most of my friends at present might take this as me being a gloat (because most of them are still sitting through exams), but I'm done with my first degree. Early! I deserve to gloat. *whistles* Okay so maybe that's a bit premature, I still have to wait for my results to officially qualify for graduation but oh, well, might as well enjoy this nothingness for a whiiile.

But I did wayyyyy too much shopping. Like waaayyy too much. Popping by Camberwell Market was the beginning of it all, but hey I managed to get a Juicy Couture tracksuit set for $20, feast my eyes on many many many used designer items(thanks to the hordes of international students who were selling their stuff before they go home..and yes I do realize some of it might not be real oh but humour me), got a chandelier necklace I have been eye-ing for a long time (they usually sell it at boutiques for $45) and a key one for $6 altogether and handmade dress with ruffles ala Gossip Girl. Oh shut up...it's prettaaaaaaaay!

absolutely wrecked the Salvos near parliament and the Bourke Street Arcade. and I havent even begun on Melbourne Central. Damn you End of Year Sales you're going to render me broke even before I begin my first job as a graduate.

But yes I have been enjoying meself.
Albeit alone sometimes.

SO PEOPLE HURRY UP AND GET EVERYTHING DONE AND ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FINAL PAPERS! WORK THAT BRAIN! Can't wait to see you all soon!

could not stand the pain

2009-06-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

like you

2009-06-08T12:21:00.001-07:00

oh what do we know?

2009-06-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

what do we know about death and loss?
The inevitable unmentionables, the things that are unsaid and the silence produced is so loud it's shuddering.

Somehow we know it is inevitable yet we cannot bear to face it. In the life I know, it is unimaginable. The loss. Of no mores. The never ever again's and the be strong's. The lingering gap.

Only when it happens to you, again and again, do you internalize how truly temporary everything is.

But we wake up tomorrow and we go on. And we forget in order to go on. We accept. The unique hole in our hearts only we can feel.

"..it's in the ABC's of growing up."

500 Days of Summer - Official Full Length Trailer

2009-05-27T03:13:00.001-07:00

Alex Mabille, you have me in knots. LOL

mmm.

go back

via www.hautfashion.com, http://niwde.blogspot.com/2009/03/alex-mabille-impasse-13.html and Terence Donovan

sigh

2009-05-27T03:04:00.000-07:00

I like.
=9

stop toying with my heart, stella.

effing hilariass

2009-05-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

www.mydadisafob.com
LOL LOL

I can't think

2009-05-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I hate how we're just thrust into growing up. At the moment I feel like my brain is trying to catch up with my body but failing miserably at it, while my heart just feebly tags along, trying to appear determined.

I'm excited to be done with my first degree, but with shaky prospects and unknown ends looming ahead, I have my doubts. I can hear "What the HELL am I going to do after this?" in my head every waking moment. Every time I log onto my supersearch, my uni website, my uni email, I feel nostalgic yet distant. I don't want it to end not because I love studying alot (but I do actually love the subjects in my major), but because I don't want to face the stream of disarray, emptiness and aimlessness that lies ahead. I want to be secure, feel like I am where I am meant to be (nevermind that I skip lectures and yelp at assignment deadlines) instead of this pebble rattling around from gutter, to garden, to shoe.

I look around me and everyone seems assured and confident. Some heading home for good knowing what they want, what to do and knowing that they will love it. Some staying and driven to look for the perfect job, knowing the difficulty but still driven nonetheless. Besides this feeling of loss, all I can feel is a hole in my selfish heart for everyone who is growing up and leaving me behind. Eventhough, technically, I am older and I should know better by now.

or I can make like peaches, bunny and lily in all their fabulosity.

pictures taken from www.theselby.com

shoutout to the bestie! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!
Happy birthday to the most indecisive, erratic, sincere, bumbling chocoshopaholic I know. Who screams at random moments and has a wicked sharp sense of humour that belies her fumbling demeanor. Who can never make up her mind but acts in the interest of others. Who is so sincere to the point of selflessness. The one with the perpetual blisters on her feet. The one who everyone is protective over. Even when she screeches. A big girl now! with an even bigger heart.

Love you Bouncy Head. Hope you had fun! (wait till exams are over then you'll REALLY be annoyed by me)

I Love You Joanna Wang

2009-05-20T08:51:00.001-07:00

Zee Avi - "Bitter Heart" (Music Video)

2009-05-17T02:36:00.001-07:00

Awwwwww. So proud of this girl who got snapped up by Brushfire Records. Not bad for the jungle, not bad at all. ;)

Crazy in Love Snow Patrol Cover..Are you serious?

2009-05-16T21:32:00.001-07:00

As you can see by now. I'm an avid fan of covers. Especially when musicians cross genres. I go crazy. yeah. uh-oh.

The Fray - Hips Dont Lie "Live!"

2009-05-16T21:22:00.001-07:00

HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA
the funniest thing ever.
I doubled over at the lines "My Hips Don't Lie! Shakira Shakira!"

The Last Shadow Puppets - S.O.S (Rihanna cover)

2009-05-16T21:20:00.001-07:00

The Hoosiers - Love Stoned [JT Cover]

2009-05-16T21:19:00.001-07:00

future sex love sound (acoustic cover)

2009-05-07T06:08:00.001-07:00

upon a time

2009-05-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of my friends will not agree with me on this, but I really do not see the harm in fairy tales. I don't blame many of us for not wanting to expose any child, be it ours or somebody else's, to unrealistic anticipations and fantasies that fairy tales notoriously advocate. Conditioning the big build up towards fairy-tale endings and happily ever afters cause an even bigger letdown once you're all grown up and realize that Prince Charming is not going to hold your hand anymore.

But I really do not think that there is any real harm in fairy tales. Have we become so complacent in comfort that we refuse to acknowledge any form of challenge in life? Is any amount disappointment or emotional plummeting stemmed from fairy-tale expectations (of romantic relationships mainly) crippling enough to deny a child stories that pique wonder and hope? As far as I'm concerned, a little optimism has never killed anyone.
And it needs to be summoned even more so as we grow older, to remind us that, despite everything, there is hope and there is something to look forward to everyday.
I won't deny my own kid the stories that I love and grew up on. After all, growing up and realizing that everything is not a fairy tale is a part of the growing-up process. Of course, however unrealistic they may be, I think the "unrealistic" part is a completely separate issue to the fairy-tale ending part. What we think as unrealistic today maybe achieved by someone tomorrow. However dispensable, cold, pessimistic and cynical the world is as we view it, at the very least, I would want to be able to recognize a happily right now when it stares me in the face and appreciate it for what it is; rather than forget how happy looks. If there was no well to draw optimism from, we might as well just wave off every good thing that happens and start "anticipating" every, seemingly eventual, negative outcome.

Just a thought.

Disenchanted

2009-05-05T22:26:00.002-07:00

I want her hair!! (and maybe her cheekbones and eyes, but that's just pushing it)

I finally finished Alfie that day. I've seen in sooo many times in snippets it's so good to finally sit down and watch it from beginning to end in proper sequence. Based on the cinematography alone, I would say that it is one of my favourite films.

sienna pictures taken from http://www.absolutelyoblivious.blogspot.com
and some from www.painfullyhip.com

and from everywhere else i can't remember

glitter

2009-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

I would like to be that elusive entity that flits in and out of lives with a resonating spark, that just brightens up days and moments. The thing that makes you forget your troubles just for a while in whatever short amount of time shared. Before the gathering dust of the day-to-day deteriorates and diminshes that glimmer, before constant exposure showcases all the inevitable ugliness under each layer shed.

I worry that the people closest to me are the ones who should be kept the furthest away because the more they see me, the more they know of my vices, my faults and all the jumbled ugliness. Correctable, but inevitably present. The ones who are my closest do not deserve the most of what they are exposed to. I wish I could always be that side of me that's displayed in short spans and occasions, the performance that cannot be kept up for too long. But in that case, maybe everyone should be kept at a distance from everybody else.

"My Darling?" Tales Of Mere Existence

2009-04-30T06:32:00.001-07:00

To Whom It May Concern

2009-04-25T03:34:00.000-07:00

Dear 30 Year Old Gwenda,

You're probably stifling a smirk when you see this, because you know that you can't normally be bothered to write things like this. But, right now, this Gwenda does not feel like 30 is too far away and has been suffering a long stretched mid life crisis bout.

Have you done anything of late to be proud of? Are you happy where you are? Do you feel like you have achieved anything? Have ANY of your childhood goals been met?

I hope so. And I hope that this stage of feeling lost, dazed and confused has long passed you by and you are now looking back on this time as something laughable. That this irrational fear of growing up too soon and not having achieved many things has not been justified.

At 23, I don't find that I have anything to complain about. I am lucky and surrounded with happy, supportive and encouraging friends and family. Materially, I could not ask for more, and I'm very appreciative of everything that I have. Healthwise, not too shabby, but I still need to lay off the junk food and a little less chub would be good but overall I'm complacent.

But I am restless. I need to know if all this endless floating around is going to result in something substantial where I can feel that I am making a difference. I hope that this momentary lack of ambition steers me to path that will challenge me and ensure that I am making full use of whatever wildness and carefree and irresponsibility I can afford to indulge in.

At this point, I am pretty much closing my eyes and ticking any subject that sounds useful, hoping that it gets me somewhere so I can indulge in everything, yet be qualified enough to get by.

Of course we cannot be, or have whatever we want in life, I know that. I know that I am lucky to even have options at this stage. But, still, I hope that I am doing the right thing, and that, wherever you are, you won't look back at this and wonder "What if?".

I am starting to feel sick already.
Rest assured, that if one day that happens, I take full responsibility for this carelessness and lack of forethought.

But I do hope that you are happy essentially. You could just be living in a shoebox, but happy as a clam nonetheless.

That's all that matters, really.

Regards,

Your 23-year-old Scatterbrained Self

Ps:
Please tell me that all that baby fat has been lost and that you have bigger boobs and skinnier legs. And a tall, dark and handsome armcandy that shares your shoebox. Thanks.

in an alternate universe

2009-04-21T08:37:00.001-07:00

In another time

I will write of conquests and failures, adventures and missed chances. Sitting on cobble-stoned alleyways and cigarettes. Having cake and spindly legs.
of waking up and breathing a different air every morning with a different person beside me, of the same spicy scent wafting through the air. I would hold my satin high-heels in one hand and skip barefooted along a star speckled river. That the butterflies in my stomach would escape the empty shell of mundanity and fly over moonbeams and continents. That I would possess the finesse of a ballet dancer, yet harbour the aggression of a driven F1 car racer. That I would create collages through my fingers with every extended gaze instead of stopping and tweaking and waiting for the perfect light, the perfect pose, the perfect frame. To nod frantically in agreement when Lewis W. Hine breathes, "While photographs may not lie, liars may photograph."

All riddles aside, I made an impressive dash this morning to one of my 2 hr lectures. Surprise Surprise I was already an hour late. I love how insightful the lecture is when the lecturer goes off on tangents but still somehow, manages to round off the with the main point. The issue of photograpahy was raised, and how the motive behind most photo-taking now revolves around not just the "I was there" but "I took this". To showcase the experience and justify that the fun was had and the people, present. Which had me nodding profusely because it felt like he was articulating all my mixed feelings and jumbled emotions about photography into a few sentences.

Sometimes, I feel that life is too short to hold poses and be subjected to framing. I take in the grandeur that moments are to be engulfed in and experienced for what they are: fleeting and temporarily momentous, rather than be captured.

Which is why I stopped carrying a camera as frequently as I used to.

And should memory fail me one day, I don't think even a stack of visuals can bring me back to the significance of a moment once had, for everything is marred, smeared and sugar-coated in recollection.

what is your main motive in the instant before the click of the shutter?

Lisa Hannigan - I Don't Know

2009-04-08T11:54:00.001-07:00

calling all consciousness, the brain wants you back

2009-03-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

I should revel in the fact that this moment of immersing myself in words I don't understand will be gone in a few months' time. But I just don't understand what I'm supposed to convey in this "reflective exercise" and I'm stuck here in the library holding onto my head and my heart lest they fly somewhere else again and again.

Why can't there be 48 hour days where I can have enough time to exercise (including time for dragging myself out of bed and motivating myself limply), enough time to cook and eat, enough time to compose a perfectly articulate essay, enough time for a nap, enough time for coffee with friends who have rendered me missing, enough time to browse around boutiques and bookstores, enough time for a hearty laugh and a slap and enough time to bury my toes in beach sand, and top it all off with lip-plucking chocolate cherries as I fall into bed, deep in slumber and anticipating another 48 hour day.

but given the chances of this happening, I have better luck finishing my essay in 48 minutes.

lots of money

2009-03-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

mmmmmm. come to mama.
however my current status is:
Unemployed yet overworked under a massive pile of assignments.
why is chanel so evil.

ignore the little bagstore sign. it looks twatty in the picture but I just gawked at the real thing I saw on a girl in the street.
Ok ok fine I was looking at it on iOffer.com
I'm can never afford the real thing. Which costs as much as a semester at uni. maybe more.
and maybe a 10-year food supply for children in Africa.
How's that for a deranged conscience?

sigh. but it's sooo pweeetttyy. The Gucci Babouska range is generally pweety.

and so is the Gucci Hysteria. Kind of.

Lies

2009-03-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

Look at how we display attained wisdom when we've read enough books, watched enough news, read enough newspapers - things I was encouraged to do as a student growing up. Only to learn later, that everything is selected, pulled apart, pieced together again and compacted into a linear, narrow viewpoint that sways public opinion. Our tainted views, musings, backings and bitings towards people and groups lumped together as an evil demographic. Instead of asking questions, but then again, images stun and inhibit our ability to question rather, we take what we see as a given. On the other hand, we have no choice, because the media which engulfs us is the only source of information we have about the world around us. It's sad when the only portal that represents and communicates to us our current reality is a crucial, yet untrustworthy medium, which compels us to do nothing but trust. And because we assume, by watching and watching and internalizing images, knowing numbers, figures, told "facts", we know enough.

Dryin' up in conversation, still
My head was halfway round the world
And workin' through the sleepin' hours
Driven by the promise of a quick return
And I wonder if she'll be the very same
And I wonder if she's gonna break the waves
Again...

Tryin' just to focus on the good
I'm tired of divin' for the pearls
And every dawn is another morning less
I have to wait to wake beside that girl
And I hope she's gonna be the very same
And I hope she can survive this wave again

And if we're all for someone
And if we're born for someone
When will she come, that someone?
And put things in their place

Comin' back to see you girl,
You know there's nothing surer in this world
Remember all the madden seasons
Back when we weren't old enough to wait our turn
And I hope we're gonna be the very same
And I hope we can survive this wave again

And if we're all for someone
And if we're born for someone
When will she come, that someone?
And put things in their place

insight

2009-03-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

"We are not born equal; we become equal as members of a group on the strength of our decision to guarantee ourselves mutually equal rights."

- Hannah Arandt (1951), The Origins of Totalitarianism

stop look listen

2009-03-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

My ears and eyes were quite satisfied already and it's the just the start of the semester. Hm. No wonder many priorities flew out the window. But nevertheless, kudos and thanks to Hansen for bringing me along. Jack's Mannequin ABSOLUTELY stole the show. Bayside wasn't bad. Forever the Sickest Kids? Meh. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus sucked so bad oh my you disappointed me.

Jack's Mannequin

AND THIS IS N.E.R.D!!!!!!!!! and that fine specimen of a blur there, ladies and gentlemen, is Pharrell Williams. who is everything hot. HOT. Ok so they only turned up for one hour. That sucked. But he was hot nonetheless and they put on a good show. So did the opening acts I might add bitingly. BUT ONE HOUR? Come on, man.

Hot dayem. I was actually much closer in real life. REALLY!
That Pharrell is FINE.

long overdue visuals I don't know how to upload a lot at once on Picasa

2009-03-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

long overdue visuals

2009-03-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

walkabouts

2009-03-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

opening act for NERD

Grandmaster Flex. Also opening act for NERD

all the commotion, the kiddie like play

2009-03-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Bu, Chu and Fu

2009-03-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

I'd like to share with you a couple of my favourite Chinese jokes.
As in, jokes about Chinese people.
It was one of those nights where I just had to entertain myself and wound up doubling over in laughter in front of my laptop. Alone. Oh well. I'm not racist I swear. I revel in this form of variety that exists in the world.

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
funny??? IT'S FUNNY. wait this is funnier

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. So the next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" Finally fed up the
Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "USE MORE PAPER ON REAR END!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA

oy.

just laugh.

fringe and furs

2009-03-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

I need a job. Desperately.

Of course I don't mind fake. What do you take me for? Mankind didn't come this far so as to synthesize everything else but fur.

ooh lala.

sigh.

I need a new body too, dammit.

sigh

2009-03-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

can I just wallow then curl up into a ball and die like the dead moth on my bedroom floor. It looks comfortable.

I swear...

This shit only ever happens to me.

A far cry from when I was jumping up and down in unison with the crowd as we all screamed along to NERD. With "Pharrrellll Williams is freaking hot" scrolling across my brain.

Then I had to show up for the GMAT bright and chirpy this morning albeit nervous only to find that I had to make a mad dash home, grab my passport, and head back to the Melbourne School of Business in the span of 15 mins. Before they locked me out electronically and I wouldn't be able to sit for $250 exam.

Why did I ever think my driver's license was sufficient?

as if oversleeping and missing my initially scheduled LSATS wasn't enough.

muse amuse

2009-03-04T01:11:00.000-08:00

Last year, I had the delectable pleasure of listening to renowned Australian author and lawyer, Alice Pung, speak. Rather unprecedented and completely by chance, it was lucky that she is an alumni member of my uni and her words - simple and straightforward - struck a chord in me with ever uttered sentence.

I wanted my resume to look more impressive *cough it is empty cough*, so I decided to join the Refugee Network last year when I received an email via my socio-legal studies subject. It's basically an organization under Amnesty International that offers help and assistance to refugees in Melbourne. It was through an awareness event held by the organization that I first heard Alice Pung speak, and since then I have always been interested in her many published works. Like I said, it was lucky she agreed to do it in the first place but that's another long-winded story for another aimless time.

Oh and I should also mention that she is devastatingly pretty.

anyway.

I tried to find out exactly when my graduation ceremony will be held this year and I came across her address to last year's graduates which is really worth a read.

Click.

But it was this article of hers that sums up EXACTLY how it is here. To me anyway. It permeates the air like some sick stench no one acknowledges. A warped, normalized misconception.

However alive, at ease and stimulated I feel at uni, it doesn't get rid of this feeling. Like having a third eye.

Or I could be overly sensitive. And this article just happens to be a bit too seamless and far too accurate.

the last days of carefree

2009-03-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

Have been doing quite a bit since I got back to Melbourne.
Not quite a bit of the things I SHOULD be doing though.

I need to whip myself into shape and set my priorities straight before I fall helter skelter into yet another Gwenda way of rushing through things, panicking and regretting this semester.

When all I want to do is just sit in the sun and do and think about absolutely nothing.

But one thing's for sure-

A little too much fun lies ahead.

I got it from my mama. I absolutely love it and it only cost RM25. =( Ok now I miss my mom. ignore the nose/pose.

with my beloved tantan at St Kilda.

OK uploading photos from my iphone to picasa's online web album freaked me out because I did not realise that it was able to map out the exact location where each photo was taken without me even divulging any information whatsoever.
A map just popped out of the sidebar stating "Photo Locations" pinpointing EXACTLY WHERE I TOOK THEM.

So that scare kept me occupied most of today.

my brother very nonchalantly told me that it was because of the GPS BUT HOW FREAKY IS THIS?

they know where we areeeeeee.
apparently alot of Nikons have this now too.

Photographers can run but they cnanot hide muahahahahahahha.

I'm sorry please allow me to be a bit frivolous before I officially start my classes tomorrow.

eventhough everybody starts today sniggersniggersnigger I have Mondays and Fridays off sniggersnigger.

For now.

toohey burgers.

hahaha. I miss u guys

sole searching

2009-02-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

it's a shame that
moments cannot be duplicated
lost sentiments cannot be recreated

that a moment, once gone, can never ever be retrieved again

so I saw my holiday flash before my eyes as they wandered to the bottom of a shiny high-heeled Prada lookalike in Flinders Lane, to the Agyness Deyn lookalike next to me

and realized

finally realized

we're not in Kansas anymore.

I miss the sway of the trees and the cool 3 pm breeze
where my little neighbourhood looks so quiet
yet alive enough to make you wonder
what everyone is up to at that very moment

2009-02-20T02:15:00.000-08:00

in fond remembrance ...

the residual flickers of childhood in the nooks and crannies of my bedroom

to appreciate the turned blind eye to many things

soaring through the skies and running through the Forbidden Forest in the dead of the night with Harry, Ron and Hermione

the ringing echoes of cricket-chirps slowly giving way to the bims and bams of neighbouring construction

eyes locked then crinkling at an inside joke

as dawn approaches, the heavy heart slack with the weight of mental spaghetti and a reluctance to wake

bad nostalgia

happy baby smells and the stomping of feet, cheeky smiles, whines and pouts that fill my afternoon

abused positive descriptions when it comes to food

how I dread sensibility and the foreboding feeling of responsibility nestling in the pit of my stomach as the clock ticks towards my 11.50 am flight.

or maybe I had too much curry for dinner.

sell out

2009-02-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

no prrrrroject.
LOL.

I like to singa under the moona in a juna i like to singa

A stranger in my soul

2009-02-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Someone once suggested that I put more photos on my blog to piqué interest, and perhaps wrote more light heartedly.
Well for the former I can't really be arsed to upload at times and for the latter I am an angst filled person and I need to vent my pent up spleen to avoid village massacres.
Oh and I want to improve my writing skills and expression. I am serious.
It is simply not enough for me to report about my sleeping and eating and daily crapping habits. So woe is the reader of this dull blog.

Even for me at times looking at photo blogs and skimming through the wonderful colours is all my little brain desires to to especially after a long day of not ingesting important text but I've always loved the pull of description and words and how some people can produce imagery as vivid and as exciting as a picture blog through them.

See what I mean about improving my skills of expression my sentences are too long.