I'm excited to be done with my first degree, but with shaky prospects and unknown ends looming ahead, I have my doubts. I can hear "What the HELL am I going to do after this?" in my head every waking moment. Every time I log onto my supersearch, my uni website, my uni email, I feel nostalgic yet distant. I don't want it to end not because I love studying alot (but I do actually love the subjects in my major), but because I don't want to face the stream of disarray, emptiness and aimlessness that lies ahead. I want to be secure, feel like I am where I am meant to be (nevermind that I skip lectures and yelp at assignment deadlines) instead of this pebble rattling around from gutter, to garden, to shoe.
I look around me and everyone seems assured and confident. Some heading home for good knowing what they want, what to do and knowing that they will love it. Some staying and driven to look for the perfect job, knowing the difficulty but still driven nonetheless. Besides this feeling of loss, all I can feel is a hole in my selfish heart for everyone who is growing up and leaving me behind. Eventhough, technically, I am older and I should know better by now.
or I can make like peaches, bunny and lily in all their fabulosity.
Happy birthday to the most indecisive, erratic, sincere, bumbling chocoshopaholic I know. Who screams at random moments and has a wicked sharp sense of humour that belies her fumbling demeanor. Who can never make up her mind but acts in the interest of others. Who is so sincere to the point of selflessness. The one with the perpetual blisters on her feet. The one who everyone is protective over. Even when she screeches. A big girl now! with an even bigger heart.
Love you Bouncy Head. Hope you had fun! (wait till exams are over then you'll REALLY be annoyed by me)
1 comment:
whhaahha.. i only saw this entry now!! THANKS MY BESTIE for everything u did!!! I LOVE YOUUU~~~ see you soon! =D
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